You Could Have Come Home
by RookieBlueEnthusian
Summary: Inspired by a scene Nick and Gail had in 4x06, about being able to come home during Project Dakota but the conversation was had between Sam and Andy. The events are jumbled a bit to fit in the story better. COMPLETE FOR NOW
1. Chapter 1

"What do you want me to say?" It was a question, but she already knew the answer, tears began to pool in her eyes and her voice shaky. "There's nothing to say that can fix... _this._"

* * *

It still felt being weird home, like she couldn't get used to her new, old life. Her home was still her home but something felt off, she could quiet put her finger on it but there was something that hadn't felt right since she had returned home. While she was under she kind of hoped that when she got back everything would fall into place, she would effortlessly glide back into the rotation at 15, her and Sam would talk about what he said before she left, get on the same page and finally be together but as of right now, she had be home for a total of 72 hours, and she had spent the rest of her week in a conference room in Mississauga. And well as for Sam, she stupidly asked Traci where he was, went to the kitchen to find him locking lips with some brunette bimbo. It was safe to say that **nothing** was going to plan.

He couldn't believe it, she was _back_, she was _home_ and they **weren't** together. His mind could not stop racing, there was so many emotions that crashed into him when he realize she was home, he broke up with Marlo after she left the station the night she got back. _"It's not you okay? Know that, it was me trying to fill this void in my life that was created when Mc... Andy left for her opt. And I'm an asshole for putting you through this it's not fair and I don't blame you if you hate me.. But I can't do this anymore_."

She decided that maybe a change in scenery might help her adjudge to being home; you know because that worked out so well the last time. She began to move her coffee table from one side of the room, to the other, shuffled the couches around before deciding on their new order, the rug that previously was placed parallel to her doorway was now facing perpendicular to it.

_'That's enough for tonight' _she thought as she slumped off to bed, hoping this was all one big nightmare she was going to wake up from anytime now.

* * *

The following night she had taken a cab from Head Quarters in Mississauga to the Penny to celebrate Frank and Noelle's engagement, walking through the door she was Sam instantly, it was like her brain was wired to hunt him down in a crowded room. She headed over to the bar, _"Hey._" He said to her as she was about to order herself a drink, _"Hi,"_ she replied.

"_Do you think we could go somewhere and talk, you know somewhere that's no so, you know; crowded."_ He asked, _"I'll meet you by your truck in 15? We can talk at my place?_" She offered with a half-smile. "_See you in 15."_ She knew that it probably wasn't the best idea to go back to her place with him, but she needed answers.

The drive home wasn't so bad as it was awkward, she had so much she wanted to say to him and he needed to get some clarification on somethings as well.

Walking through the front door he instantly knew she had changed around her living room, "_You rearranged, it looks nice, different but nice."_ He made his way over to her couch, "_well when you come home, and everything's different, what can you do?_" It was a quiet but acknowledged jab at Sam's relationship status since she had been gone.

She walked back over to the couch with 2 beers in her hands, handing on to Sam, she sat on the couch beside him, "_So... uh what did you want to talk about Sam?_" She kind of figured that he wanted to know why she left, without saying good-bye or something. "_Why didn't you come home?_" He asked. "_Uhh Sam? I did come home..._"

Earlier that night Sam had over heard Gail and Blackstone talking, _"I want you... I want you to be straight with me please,"_ he heard Gail quietly beg Blackstone. _"So you want to know if something happened with McNally and Collins"_ She nodded. "T_he truth is, I don't know but I don't think that matters because you've already made up your mind."_ Sam could put two and two together, Blackstone was know for being one of the only handlers to let his people have time off, a weekend during a long opt, to give them a break. He watched as Gail and Blackstone left together.

"_That's not what I meant..."_ He said looking at her, in a way hoping she would think back and be honest about her vacation. "_Well, what did you mean Sam?_" She was confused at what he was trying to get at, "_Andy, I know you had time off, and I know that you didn't come home... So where did you go?_" She sat up, how did he find out about this, "_Sam, I.._" She trailed off, as she fumbled with her fingers. "_Did you and Collins, you know..._?"  
It felt like hours passed as he looked into her eyes waiting for her answer, _"Sam, listen we were not together, you broke up with me, you have no right to ask me that?_"

This was going no where, "_So that's how you want to play it?_" He half smirked as his mind raced. There was nothing to play in the moment he knew if she came home, there was no way he would of ever started anything with Marlo, and they won't be having this conversation right now. "_Play what Sam? You broke up with me, and I left_."

_"You know what, uhh yeah I broke up with you but the night before you left I told you I was sorry, and I was willing to do anything to fix this, and guess what Andy you left."_ He stood up, half wanting to walk out the door but he decided that he wasn't going to run from this anymore. "_Because that meant sooooo much."_ She stood up as well, they were now having a stare off in the middle of her living room.

_"What is that suppose to mean?"_ He furrowed his brow, he meant what he said to her, he's always loved her, cared for her, how could she ever doubt that. "_I'm not the one who didn't come home Andy..."_ He said trailing off, pausing trying to get his thoughts together. "_No, you weren't Sam but you were the one who got himself a new girlfriend a whole 60 seconds after I left_." They were in a gridlock, he had just found out that she could of come home for a weekend during Project Dakota and he has, well had a girlfriend up until last night.

"_What do you want me to say?_" It was a question, but she already knew the answer, tears began to pool in her eyes and her voice shaky. "_Well McNally I don't think there's anything left to say that can fix... this._" He felt like there was no fixing this there was too much pain and resentment in the room. "_So this is in then? You're going to walk away from this **again,** and ride off into the sunset with some girl?_" A single tear escaped her eye, her heart broke.

He walked over to her, and placed a kiss on her forehead. "_The only person I want to ride off into the sunset with is you,I love you Andy McNally, but right now I don't think that's enough for you_." He said as he backed up heading for the door. "_Good-bye McNally_."

And just like that he was gone, she thought about running after him, but then there was Nick. So she stayed put, standing in her living room alone; again.


	2. Chapter 2

She tried to steady her heart beat, _inhale, exhale_, she kept telling herself as she walked over to the couch. _Now what?_, she thought, _what do I do now? I mean there's Nick and maybe Sam was right, maybe there is something there. Why didn't I come home? I could of come home, and just talked to him, we could of gotten on some sort of stable ground, finally get on the same page, okay maybe not the same page but at least the same book. But then again why would I come back, I mean uproot his life, my life and everyone else's just to leave again; that's not fair to Sam or myself. Just thinking about leaving Sam again breaks my heart, I had a hard enough time leaving the last time. But I know it would be worth it, I mean of course I want to be with him, he's Sam, Sam Swarek. And I have been in-love with him since my first week on the job. But it's just such a battle with him, it's never easy and I know it never will be, why can't it be as easy as it is with Nick. He's so open and vulnerable, unlike Sam who's guarded. _Her thoughts paused for a moment as she realized she had just compared Nick and Sam, like they were two people she wanted to be with, and she was trying to pick which one she wanted to be with.

She reached down and grabbed her cell phone from the coffee table, dialing the number she put the phone up to her ear and waiting for an answer. "_Hello?_" She heard on the other end, "_Heey Trac, it's me look I know it's late but I uhh,"_ she sniffed as she quickly wiped a tear from her check, "_I could really use my best friend right now.._" More tears fell, _"Give me 15 minutes and I'll be there."_

True to her word Traci was knocking on her door, fifteen minutes later. As Andy walked over to the door, she tried to stop crying but it was no use, "_Hi,_" she said meekly, "_Andy, what happened_?" She asked, as they walked over to the couch and settled, "w_ell, uhh Sam asked me if we could go somewhere and talk so you know ,I of course suggested here, anyways I grabbed us some beers and he asked me why I never came home, and uhh._." She trailed off, trying to catch her breath as she paused, there was a few moments of silence before she continued "_When he asked me why I never came back I was so confused, because I mean I was home, I mean I was standing right in front of him but then I started to think well maybe he knows that Blackstone gave us a weekend off and instead of coming home, we went on this bike trip up in Niagara and uhh._." She half expected Traci to jump in and ask her the same question Sam did; why didn't she come home? She knew Traci was grieving and Sam wanted to be with her, she could of come home to support the people she loved the most; so why didn't she come back? But Traci didn't, she just pulled Andy into a hug, "_It's going to be okay,_" was all she said.

"_No, I really don't think it is, because he left, he told me that he loved me and that he didn't think that was enough for me and then he left. Where do I go with that?_" Andy broke down, she let the tears fall freely, _"Well, sweetheart, I think you need to ask yourself that same question; is it enough for you?_" Traci asked. _"What do you mean?_" Andy said, trying to steady her breathing, "_What I mean is, is Sam's love enough for you? Are you willing to let go of all the baggage from the past and just love him? Are you ready to accept all his flaws and just let him love you, are you willing to just love one another? Are you ready to accept the fact that he's not the most open person in the world, and with time allow him to open up all of himself to you without demanding information?_ " Traci let her words, fill the room and give Andy sometime to absorb them, "_Because I saw him over the last 6 months and he hasn't been the same, yes he was with Marlo but he was never the way her that he was with **you**. He never loved her Andy, he never stopped loving you, and I think that you're fighting this because deep down somewhere you feel guilty because while Sam was home with Marlo, you were under with Nick; developing feelings, Andy? Do you have feelings for Nick?_"

It was a big question, she had been asked; do you have feelings for Nick? Her mind was spinning, "_How could you ask me that_?" Turning fully to face her best friend, "_I could ask you that because instead of running after Sam and telling him that you love him, and that his love is enough, you let him walk away, you didn't fight for him, and instead you called me... Andy, listen remember when Dex came into the station and found out I had been cheating on him with Jerry, then he punched Jerry in the face and left?_" She said placing her hands on Andy's, "_In that moment, as hectic and crazy as it was I had to make a choice, Dex or Jerry; the right thing to do and the one my heart wanted. And well as you know I chose my heart, I went to be by Jerry's side and let Dex walk away. You had one of those moments today and in a way you chose Nick_." Andy pulled back and ran her fingers through her hair, "_It's okay if you did but you need to talk to both of them and let them know what you're feeling."_ She knew Traci was right but she really didn't know who she had feelings for.

_"But I uhhh, I don't know who I want to be with_." Traci gave her this confused look because she had always been the do the right thing but when Jerry came along she learned to follow her heart. "_I know what you're going to say but it's really not that easy, I need to think about my heart now and in the long run, but I have to think about who's not going to break my heart in the next six months when something goes wrong? Or leave me at the alter in Vegas then leaves to go over seas to Afghanistan._ " Andy immediately covered her mouth after she spoke, how could she say those things? As true as they were.

_"Do you see what you just did there? You used their past mistakes and choices against them, whoever you chose, if you chose one of them, it needs to be someone you're willing to have a fresh start with, new beginnings. Someone who you can make dinner reservation for, they can pick you up when you're in doubt with yourself, and who's willing to start a new chapter with you._" Andy just sat there, inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale, collecting her thoughts. " _I just I want... I want things to be easy, I just want to love him with my whole heart, and him love me, for us to be on the same page for the first time in years, I want him to open up to me like he's never done with anyone before, I want to be with Sam **not** Nick._"

In that moment it felt like a weight had been lifted off Andy's chest, _"You need to talk to Sam, you need to basically tell him everything you told me and be ready for him not to be ready for this right away, he was really hurt after you left, you both need to be ready for this, again. Just keep it simple, take it slow, and just love each other._"

Traci left shortly after that, Andy thought about calling Sam, leaving a message but then she thought why the hell would she tell him how she felt over a voice mail? Walking into her bedroom, she immediately headed for her closet, she grabbed some yoga pants, and a knit cardigan. Stripping herself of her other clothes, leaving her tank top on, throwing her cardigan on and slips into her pants.

Sam didn't live far, but he did live far enough that she had enough time to sort out some kind of speech prepared on her walk over. She walked up the steps toward his front door like she had the night of the blackout, and she knocked. Just standing at his doorstep made her feel so vulnerable, like he had all the power in that moment, he could slam the door in her face, or let her in. She waited outside his door, she saw the hall light turn on, as he opened the door. There they were standing there face to face. "_Hi.. again_" she says awkwardly, "_Uhh, what are you doing here_?"

_"I'm here because I wanted, I mean needed to tell you something, I uhh, I thought about what you said you know about you loving me and that not being enough for me..."_ She paused, as a few tears escaped from her eyes, "_Well it is. And I know me not coming home, was selfish but I did it for you just as much as I did it for me, I knew if I came home I wouldn't be able to leave,"_ She shook her head as she spoke, and he just looked at her. "_I wouldn't be able to leave us again, so I didn't come home, I stayed under, but I just wanted you to know that I'm sorry and that I love you, I love you Sam Swarek and I'm so sorry I hurt you._" As she let the last of her words leave her lips, she turned around and began walking away; time and space, give him time, she thought.

Walking away from Sam Swarek was one of the hardest things to do, it's like there's a force pulling them together, and it takes all your will power to walk away.

He knew he had a window of opportunity here, he had two options, to let her walk away again or to run after her. And just like that he was running down the steps, on the sidewalk getting closer to her "_Andy, wait_." He said, placing a hand on her shoulder, thunder in the background. _"I can't let you walk away again, I won't. I'm sorry, you not coming home it's okay." _He told her, "_It's not Sam, it can't be. I should of come back, and after this whole Nick thing, it's too much to forgive,_" She stopped as he cupped her face with his hands, "_Well that's too bad, because I just did._" She lowers her head, _"You can't_." Guiding her head so their eyes could meet again, "_I just did, so you're just going to have to deal with it, I know I hurt you the last time were but,_"

_"I love you"_ She says cutting him off completely. "_I love you too, Andy McNally._"


End file.
